A statue that stands in Des Moines
Is a man with a slot in his groin;
He pops an erection
And points the direction
Whenever you insert a coin.
A talented painter named Stipples,
In the art world, created some ripples,
With the paintings she made,
Every time she got laid,
Using brushes attached to her nipples.
A cute little Texan named Anna,
On the prairie, she rode my banana;
A cowgirl so true,
She gave me a screw
Wearing only her spurs and bandanna.
A geometry teacher, Louise,
Was giving the student a tease,
As she rubbed on his thighs
And his boner did rise
To an angle of ninety degrees.
There once was a sorry old friar
Who burned off his balls in a fire,
When the flames got away
From his candles one day;
Now he sings really high in the choir.
Expecting her boyfriend, named Brad,
Her timing was terribly bad;
For, she answered his knocks
Wearing only her socks,
But instead of ol' Brad, it was Dad!
Larry and Linda-Louise,
They did it way up in the trees;
On their twenty-ninth stroke,
The branches all broke,
And they came - falling down on their knees!
A threesome occurring in Norway
Was initially planned as a four-way,
But the last to arrive
Was a fat man named Clive
Who could not fit his ass through the doorway.
A party was held at the Vicar's,
And the nuns were all giggles and snickers,
When, in jest, they yelled "Fire!"
As he changed his attire,
And they saw him run off in his knickers.
At a ranch called The Fragrant Bouquet
The women have all moved away;
But seldom is heard
A discouraging word,
Because all of the cowboys are gay.
I hope your new baby is fine,
I hope that it's truly divine;
I hope that it's cute,
And it's healthy, to boot,
But I hope that the sucker ain't mine!
Last night I ran into my ex;
She complained of not getting my checks;
She called me a jerk,
Then we both went berserk,
But we ended it up with good sex!
Cap'n Bean has coined the word "grimmericks" for grim limericks depicting his unique brand of black humor. Here are a couple examples:
There once was a fellow named Fern,
Who died from a terrible burn:
His widow now weeps,
And her ashes she keeps,
On her mantle inside of an urn.
A woman residing in Perth,
She died on the day she gave birth
To a baby named Fred
With a truly large head,
And a butt of exceptional girth.
Cap'n Bean has published a book of his dark humor, titled GRIMERICKS: The Final Curtain.
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Conversation with Mrs. Bean
The Clean Limericks
The Bawdy Limericks
Dirty Limericks by Birch
Limericks about those Body Parts
An Adult Limericks Story
Fun with Fractured Limericks
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