LIMERICKING WITH BIG DICKS AND WONDEROUS TWATS
Bob Birch Looks at the Limerist's Fascination with Body Parts
From the earliest of the bawdy limericks, there has been a fascination... no, an obsession with sexual organs. Limericks have been written about size, about performance, and about a wide spectrum of phenomenal talents and attributes.
Perhaps one of the best known and most often recited limerick is the one about that well-endowed fellow from Nantucket. This classic is as likely to be repeated in a college dorm today as it was in 1953 when I first heard it as a wide-eyed freshman. However, the man from Nantucket made his first appearance in print in the book Immortalia, published in Philadelphia in 1927! The author is anonymous.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!
In the book 1001 Lewdest Limericks we find a variation with a less fortunate ending for our well hung New Englander. Once more the author is anonymous.
There was a young man from Nantucket,
Who had a long cock and could suck it.
He looked in the glass
And saw his own ass,
But broke his neck trying to fuck it."
For me, the challenge was to write verse paying homage to this man's equipment without relying on the words "suck it" or "fuck it."
The cock on that man from Nantucket
Reached down to his boots where he'd tuck it.
And he'd come with a roar,
With a gallon or more
That he carried around in his bucket.
Another anonymous writer's limerick runs a close second to the Man from Nantucket when it comes to popularity. It tells of the notorious man from Kent.
There was an young fellow from Kent,
Whose dick was so long that it bent.
To save himself trouble
He stuck it in double,
And instead of coming he went.
In the collection of limericks in The Limerick, Legman, the editor, presents a verse by an anonymous writer and first appearing around the year 1945. It goes as follows:
There was a young fellow named Bowen
Whose pecker kept growin' and growin'.
It grew so tremendous,
So long and so pendulous,
'Twas no good for fuckin' - just showin'.
Limericks about the size of penises go in both directions. There are those that praise the big ones, and those that poke fun at peckers of smaller dimensions. There are those who might argue that in doing so we engage in wishful thinking at one extreme and confront our own fears at the other. We really confront the vulnerable male ego when we write of a woman's criticism of what a man has to offer her. I have written the following, which appears in my book Limericks for Lechers:
A man who was proud of his peter
Whipped it out so his small friend could greet 'er.
Said the gal they call Tigger,
"I've seen peepees much bigger
And arrangement of balls that were neater.
Admittedly, there are many more limericks about large penises than there are about those of a smaller size. We will turn once more to Legman's collection in The Limerick where we find the following, penned by an anonymous writer and dating back to at least 1942:
When he tried to inject his hugh whanger
A young man aroused his girl's anger.
As he strove in the dark
She was heard to remark,
"What you need is a zeppelin hanger."
Female genitals are in no way neglected. As with their male counterparts, vaginas as big as a barn or as tight as a drum become the target for the limerick writer's pen. The following by an anonymous author appears in The Limerick and is dated back to around 1941:
There was a fat lady of China
Who'd a really enormous vagina,
And when she was dead
They painted it red,
And used it for docking a liner.
Do you want to hear Dr. Bob Birch read one of his limericks about size? If so, click below.
It is as though we can escape the embarrassment of talking about such intimate and personal body parts through the use of exaggerated features and impossible abilities. If we can laugh, we will not blush.
I could not resist the lure of the caveranous expanse of the super vulva. My contribution follows:There once was a fellow named Roy
Who inserted a rather large toy.
He couldn't believe it
When he went to retrieve it,
For he pulled out two men and a boy.
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(Come back soon to learn of some really impressive performance and... well you know limericks... there will also be some pretty dramatic failures.)
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PHENOMENAL TALENTS AND ATTRIBUTES
An anonymous author wrote of a most interesting musical talent:
There was a young girl of Cah'lina,
Had a very capricious vagina:
To the shock of the fucker
'Twould suddenly pucker,
And whistle the chorus of "Dinah."
My version of a musically-inclined twat is as follows:
The tune that she played was just fair
But with legs sticking up in the air,
The harmonica's stuck
In the place made to fuck,
And entangled in long pubic hair.
Also from the early 1940's comes this from the pen of an anonymous writer:
A pious old women named Tweak
Had taught her vagina to speak.
It was frequently liable
To quote from the Bible,
But when fucking - not even a squeak!
I have an old favorite, first expressed by an unknown limerist many years before it was introduced to me in 1953. Lovers of the classics will remember this one (or some version of it):
There once was a man from Old Mass,
Whose balls were made out of brass.
When they clanged together
They played "Stormy Weather,"
And lightning shot out of his ass.
(Come back for a lot more fun!)
This page was launched 10/29/00 Updated 02/16/04 Visit again soon... there is much more coming.
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Dirty Limerick by Cap'n Bean
A Brief Conversation with Mrs. Bean
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